Self-care includes developing and maintaining good physical, spiritual and mental health, a uniquely challenging but crucial discipline for a pastor. While these three areas of wellness are intertwined and inseparable, in my own life and the experience of many of my colleagues, I recognize that more attention has been given to physical and spiritual health, and mental health is often neglected, causing a diminishment to all three.
Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Every human being experiences highs and lows in mental health. Although some forms of mental illness are genetic, other expressions of mental illness may be related to circumstances or body chemistry, and may be preemptively avoided or proactively addressed by practicing good mental hygiene.
A common, but naïve misconception is that pastors, or persons with strong religious faith, are exempt from mental distress. The Apostle Paul is noted for his courageous ministry but he confessed, “Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches” (II Corinthians 11:28 NIV).
In his book, Surviving the Stained-Glass Jungle, veteran pastor Dr. Bill Self contends that, “Self-care is not destructive self-indulgence, but rather it is being a steward of some rather special gifts— the human body and soul, along with the capacity to bring joy to others as well as to experience it.”
Those in every vocation experience varying levels of stress, distress, and duress. However, because the pastoral task requires remarkable investment in the lives of others, a pastor who neglects mental hygiene can gradually slip into a state of melancholy or emotional chaos, and then compound the dilemma by ignoring the symptoms for fear of stigmatizing his or her ministry.
As a pastor I can identify at least five areas that commonly place stress on a pastor’s mental and emotional health:
• Unrealistic expectations- These expectations can be real or perceived, and they can be generated by vocal congregants or be self-imposed by a minister with a “messiah complex.” Most congregations have ambivalent expectations that fluctuate between market-driven goals (e.g., attendance, budgets, awards) and mission-driven goals (e.g., participation, stewardship, life transformation). The wider the gap between these two categories, the more intense the stress on the minister.
• Perpetual preparation- The task of perpetual preparation can be a mentally exhausting chore. Many professional public speakers have 4-5 niche speeches that they give over and over to different groups. Professors and teachers have lectures and lesson plans that are updated and revised from semester to semester but they usually follow a core curriculum. A preaching pastor is unique in that he or she is generally expected to prepare and deliver 40-50 different Sunday sermons per year to virtually the same group of people, in addition to devotionals, Bible studies, and speeches for community events.
• Diverse emotional encounters- A minister deals with grief, grace, and everything in between on a daily basis. Perhaps more than any other vocation, a pastor regularly moves in and out of situations with polarizing and intense emotions such as death and birth, divorce and marriage, perversion and conversion, and conflict and resolution. If a pastor is not careful, the residual emotions from these encounters will linger and intermingle creating either emotional apathy or spiritual neuropathy.
• Problem people- Not to be confused with people with problems, problem people are unusually high maintenance individuals who consume an exorbitant amount of a pastor’s time with an unnecessary complaint or unconstructive criticism. Marshall Shelley refers to these “well-intentioned dragons” as “sincere, well-meaning saints, but they leave ulcers, strained relationships, and hard feelings in their wake.”
• Confidentiality cache- Because the pastoral role is not only prophetic but also priestly, a pastor is entrusted with a lot of confidential information that is locked away into a pastor’s mental storage. The volume of this information can become a heavy emotional weight if it remains in a pastor’s mental inbox and is not appropriately archived.
In light of these and other areas of pastoral stress, to preserve good health and promote longevity in ministry, how can a pastor practice good mental and emotional hygiene?
Each pastor has to identify and adopt hygienic habits that fit his or her context and personality. Here are some practices I am finding to be helpful in my own pastoral routine:
• Establish and maintain a consistent prayer and devotional life.
• Maintain friendship with a trustworthy conversation partner, perhaps even another pastor, outside of your church.
• Convene a small accountability group, establish a confidentiality covenant with them, and meet with them monthly.
• Read regularly in multiple genres including biography, history, and fiction.
• Pay attention to diet, especially limiting intake of sugar, caffeine, and other foods that can trigger emotional swings.
• Develop a regimen of moderate physical exercise.
• Follow a consistent routine for sleep and rest.
• Periodically disconnect from the work of the church, especially from mental labor (problem solving, conflict management), cellphone calls, and social media.
• Have an annual physical examination, as well as eye examination and dermatology screening.
• Participate in a peer network of pastors who convene with a covenant of confidentiality, and who vent and vision together.
Be alert to seasons when your mental distress leads to dysfunction, manifested by ongoing and overwhelming symptoms of depression, chronic anxiety, paranoia, and/or insomnia. Immediately enlist the care of a medical professional. To procrastinate getting care prolongs the process of recovery.
Life in the stained-glass jungle has unique rewards and challenges. Self-care is absolutely essential. Bill Self reminds us that, “It takes courage to take care of yourself. One of the hallmarks of a professional is the ability to keep healthy— physically, emotionally, and spiritually. You must take responsibility for yourself and not expect others to take the initiative to care for you.”
Practicing good self-care can empower a pastor to be mentally sharp, emotionally balanced, and spiritually perceptive in all seasons.