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Saddleback removes audio clip saying abuse no excuse for divorce Print E-mail
By Bob Allen   
Thursday, July 09, 2009

LAKE FOREST, Calif. (ABP) -- A senior staff member of Rick Warren's Saddleback Church, quoted earlier this year as teaching the Bible does not permit a woman to divorce an abusive husband, has said the audio clip containing the comment gave the wrong impression about his views and has been removed from the church website.

In January Associated Baptist Press and several blogs quoted audio clips from a "Bible Questions & Answers" section of Saddleback's website in which Tom Holladay, the church's teaching pastor, said the Bible condones divorce for only two reasons: infidelity and abandonment.

"I wish there were a third [reason for divorce] in Scripture, having been involved as a pastor with situations of abuse," Holladay said. "There is something in me that wishes there were a Bible verse that says, 'If they abuse you in this-and-such kind of way, then you have a right to leave them.'"

 

Tom Holladay, teaching pastor at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, Calif., says widely quoted remarks by him about domestic violence and divorce were posted out of context on the church website and have been removed.

What the clip didn't make clear, Holladay said recently, is the question he was answering had to do with abusive language and not physical abuse. The way it was edited, Holladay said, gave the impression that a chronically violent and abusive situation is the only just cause for separation.

"We believe that one violent incident is obviously more than enough to demand the need for a separation," Holladay said in a statement to church members. "This has always been the advice that we give."

Holladay said "in an attempt to explain the difference between an angry exchange between spouses and domestic violence, I used words that seemed -- especially when taken out of context -- that I believe a long term multiply violent situation is the only cause for a separation."

"That is not what I and we believe or advise," he said. "Instead, we advise that in a domestic violence situation the first step is to get immediately to safety. I apologize for a poor choice of words that made it seem in any way that we do not advise this."

Holladay said Saddleback believes that God can restore a marriage in which abuse has occurred, but if an abusive spouse refuses to repent and try to change, there eventually comes a point at which he or she has abandoned the marriage and it cannot be saved.

Danni Moss, a pseudonymous blogger who transcribed and commented about Holladay's original comment in January, said many evangelical ministries counsel victims of domestic violence in ways that are unbiblical and dangerous. For example, she she noted, some pastors teach that a woman should stay with an unbelieving and abusive husband in hopes that it might help lead him to Christ.

She pointed to FamilyLife, an organization led by Southern Baptist Dennis Rainey, which recently published an article that extolled "suffering in marriage for the sake of righteousness."

Diana Garland, dean of the Baylor University School of Social Work, said church leaders should not attempt to deal alone with family violence, but immediately seek assistance from family professionals and call police if anyone has been hurt or seems to be in danger of being hurt.

Garland urged pastors to provide a framework for all families to understand family violence.

"Church leaders can help by preaching and teaching about the sin of violence which breaks out in family homes and the abuse of power from which it springs," Garland wrote in her 1999 book Family Ministry: A Comprehensive Guide. "Because abusers often convince abused family members that they have a duty to forgive, teaching about forgiveness, repentance and restoration often can be enormously helpful to hidden victims of family violence in a congregation."

Garland said restoring a marriage broken by abuse involves not only forgiveness but also repentance.

"Many women stay and suffer abuse silently and unbeknownst to church leaders, precisely because they take their commitment seriously," she said. "Seldom does it occur to them that the covenant has already been broken by the violence itself."

She said any chance for restoration depends on "serious repentance" by the abuser, along with "consistent participation" in an abuser-treatment program.

Garland said the second half of Malachi 2:16, which quotes God as saying "I hate divorce," sometimes gets overlooked in evangelical domestic-abuse conseling. The verse also adds, "and covering one's garment with violence."

"An abused mate who continues to be abused cannot forgive the abuser, because she is herself as imprisoned by the abuse as he is," Garland said. "She can only forgive him when she is free herself. She can only forgive him when she has the option of holding him accountable."

"That is why God is ultimately the source of forgiveness," she said, "because only God has the power to hold us ultimately accountable."

-30-

Bob Allen is senior writer for Associated Baptist Press.





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Comments (4)Add Comment
God does not hate all divorce
written by Barbara, July 12, 2009
Thanks for the article Bob. Just want to let you and your readers know that the slogan "God hates divorce" is based on a mistranslation of Malachi 2:16. The English Standard Version and the Holman Christian Standard Version have translated the verse correctly: they say "He who hates and divorces," says the Lord God of Israel, "covers his garment with violence." In other words, the one who HATES in this verse is the divorcing husband, not God.

In my book "Not Under Bondage" I show that at least 18 scholars have pointed out that the translation of Malachi 2:16 in most versions is incorrect. The verb "hates" is third person masculine singular, not first person.... "he", not "I".

I argue that God condemns treacherous divorce (divorce done without proper Biblical grounds) but he does not hate disciplinary divorce (divorce obtained on the three grounds approved by the Bible). These three biblical grounds are abuse, adultery and desertion.

I drew Saddleback's attention to my book when this controversy first sprang up, hoping they would examine the arguments I put forward. After all Tom Halliday had said that he wished there was a verse in the Bible that allows divorce for abuse. "Not Under Bondage" demonstrates that there IS such teaching in the Bible, but it would appear that Saddleback have not checked out the book yet.

I hope they do look at it, as this controversy is not helping them the way it is going. I also hope this for the sake of all the victim/survivors of abuse who are still struggling with their consciences, and with stigma from other Christians.
...
written by worshipboy, July 14, 2009
Just for the record, I don't believe Dennis Rainey is a Southern Baptist. I know that his organization FamilyLife is not Southern Baptist.
I don't buy it!
written by Hannah Thomas, July 20, 2009
I'm sorry but it took how many months to catch this, and then to come up with this excuse?

What about the remark about how you need to make sure you are being beat repeatedly? Which question was he NOT referring to with that remark? I mean that's insane! LOL make sure your husband beats you more than once, and then seek safety?

What about James 3? It speaks to evil of the tongue! We are talking about more than a little spat when it comes to 'abusive language' here!

These types of behaviors are damaging to everyone - even the one that is hurting others. What if they refuse help or counsel? Does the church encourage enabling it to continue by asking the family to be nicer and just praying? I have to wonder if he knows how threatening people can be, and how they are able to terrorize without using fists.

This poor man needs education on the subject that he speaks about. I truly feel for anyone that comes to people that mininize the damage being caused within a family like this. "You can't escape the pain" so just live with it in other words. Its sad that people call out sin into the light, and the church darkness the truth with igorance. I pray that he educates himself on what he speaks about a bit more. His place of worship will not a safe if he doesn't.
Politically Correct Lies
written by jocelynandersen, August 11, 2009
Making deliberately untrue, politically correct, statements has become all too common among evangelical leaders these days, and the claim that Tom Holladay has been largely misquoted concerning Saddleback Church’s position on abuse and divorce is a blatant lie.

I listened to the audio in its entirety, and Holladay’s position was explicit that divorce was not an option in the case of abuse. He stated that separation was only an option if a wife was beaten regularly.

If Saddleback Church can produce evidence that I quoted Holladay out of context on my Woman Submit blog post, I will be happy to remove the post. http://womansubmit.blogspot.com/2009/01/saddleback-church-abuse-and-divorce.html

Jocelyn Andersen
Author of “Woman Submit! Christians & Domestic Violence”

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